Babes, It's showtime!
by Chamel-ann
Summary: New interesting take on Beetlejuice. Very different but well tied together. I decided to write it in a realistic approach of events from the series and movie. Tie them into a semi f'd up reality, but then again who has a normal life. Tranny, cross-dressing, and homosexuality undertones. sexual content and colorful language.
1. Muddy Jeans

This is my first attempt at a fan fiction. It's **rated M** for mature content. **Sexual situations and language**. I do not own Beetlejuice.

I'm trying to be as original as possible and by doing so I have gotten rid of the magical and supernatural aspects. Please don't hate me for that. I promise this story will be finished someday, but I do live a busy life outside of here.

**If you are homophobic, against transgender, or cross-dressing this might not be story for you.**

thank you and I hope you all find it refreshing and imaginative.

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Chapter 1

**Muddy jeans**

The post-it read: "

_N, hope your finals went well. _

_Your dad and I need you to help out _

_in the shop this weekend. We need _

_the extra hands. See you after close. _

_Love, Babs and Adam_

'God sometimes you guys can be so dense.' Nathan stormed out of the door of his parent's house. His father wanted him to help out with the hardware store.

"Christ! They believe I can be caged up in that boring ass store. Tell me how to live my life, god go fuck yourselves!"He cursed to all but his own ears. Nathan was carrying out a large duffle bag full of the clothes for weekend. It was bulky and slightly oblong, with a wig sticking out of the opening at one end. He laughed to himself. To him he looked like he was shoving a dead body in the trunk of the Doomster. Nathan turned the bag on its side, and a blond wig fell out into the mud.

"Fuck! My best wig" Nathan quickly rubbed the mud out and onto his old favorite pair of striped pants. He was in a hurry. He didn't want Adam, and Babs to catch him skipping out on work this weekend. He skipped out on helping at his parent's hardware store every weekend for the last semester. They just wanted to control his life. People change. He wasn't a kid anymore. Nathan finally got the trunk to accommodate his duffle bag. It was pretty amazing that the old Doomster could fit a full-sized dress form and a whole weekend wardrobe for the show. When Nathan was a kid he used to love helping his dad arrange nuts and bolts in the shop. They once even built a replica of the town together. They displayed it in the hardware shop window. During the holidays they would decorate the town with handmade decorations that him and Adam built together. The town would visit the shop to just look at the latest additions to the town model. However, The town started to find it creepy when they replicated the towns big events. Maybe it was because they were a small town, with close minded ideals. He thought it would attract more visitors if he added new buildings, for sale signs, just small events in the town. Every morning he'd read through the towns paper to see if he could add something new. Eventually he found the obituaries fascinating and added the graveyard just on the outskirts of the town. He thought he was just paying his respect to the town by mentioning the recently deceased, but the small town didn't see it that way. Jane Butterfield a her possy of concerned moms came to talk to Adam about the creepy town display. After that Nathan had to move the model up into the attic. That's when he stopped enjoying showing up sat the shop.

Nathan and the Doomster entered the freeway. He was so lost in thought he hardly noticed the graveyard passing by.

Hell, he thought, he even used to enjoyed helping that old twat, Jane Butterfield. She would come by the shop and hire Nathan to be her handy man. Got the nickname Beetleman from her gigs. It wasn't a bad gig; sure helped him get some money to buy the Doomster. The worst part was the exterminations. He hated the chemicals. If he was honest to himself he felt bad for the bugs most of all, but he had a reputation to keep so he fumigated the place...after he pocketed as many beetles, roaches, and ants he could find. He would release them out by the cemetery just on the outskirts of town.

Nathan's thoughts wondered. That's the first time she ever spoke to him. Her eyes were pools of amber brown. She smelled like honey and earth, and and developing ink. She started the nicknames, now that he thought about it.

He brushed the thought away.

Where was he before, oh right, Hell because of that job he got himself a lot of tail back in high school. He would go over and fix homes for Jane's clients': Plumbing, landscaping, cleaning the gutters, chimney sweep (eyebrow wiggle)… Yeah he was a pervert, but while their husbands were working out of town, who else was going to fix the leaky plumbing? (Ba Dum Tsss,) yeah! He was slaying it. He could totally use that one in his act tonight. Nathan was almost in Peaceful Pines now. They had the best bars there. Doomy was getting a mind of his own. Nathan almost swerve into the lane next to him, doomy really needed an alignment. Nathan pulled up to a stoplight. Nathan Decided it was about time to ditch Nathan and become BJ.

She came up with it. She used to call him that. She was so naive, innocent, and god she fucked up his life. He laughed to himself, "Just like fucking developing fluid. Should have smelled it the moment I met her. Fucking clueless sometimes... naive." He pulled out a cigarette. "Fuck her."

He really needed to get Doomy an alignment maybe check the electrical too. BJ's window rolled down without warning. Doomy had a tendency to do that at stoplights. He laughed, as he pet the dashboard. "That a girl Juno give ol' Doomy a break now."

He really needed to get his mind off that girl.

Now where in the world were his sand bags.


	2. Anita Sandwich, Chuck

**Chapter 2**

**Anita Sandwich, Chuck**

Nathan had taken on a new client for Jane. Apparently this family was from New York. He'd never been to a big city like that. Never been with a city woman either, now he thought about it. After all he was getting bored of his usual 'clients'. Delia was the wife's name. Her husband's name was - Chuck? Ah it didn't matter anyways. Sure the old man was at work all day.

Jane sure kept going on about him, probably had the hots for him.

"…and that's why Charles can't do large odd jobs around the house. Now they have a lot of new renovations going on and well you know it's one of those old New England homes. Charles needs a young man to work on the fixes, with his heart and all."

'Bet Delia's a red head' Nathan told himself.

"What color is Delia's hair?"

"Nathan, are you listening to me I'm talking about Mr. Deetz here?"

"Yeah, yeah, Chuck's heart and all can't do odd jobs on account of it."

"Charles! And it's red. I think she dyes it, but he's a natural red head or was it blond."

'Called it' crazy sexually frustrated sluts always seem to be red heads. She needed him badly by the looks of it. Jane drove into the driveway. Nathan gawked at the large patio. One end looked like it was the start of a new house the front wall was pulled up like a barn raising, but instead of looking unfinished it looked intentionally made to look unfinished. Its edges were finished and wasn't hinge in any way to fit other walls. It bothered him. Like really bothered him; it went against everything his father taught him about hardware. However, Nathan thought it better not to suggest any ways to finishing it on the account of he was lazy. It could make an interesting addition to his model city, unfortunately they weren't in, Winter Rivers. Maybe he could start a new model for Peaceful Pines. As Nathan was lost in thought a flash went off right in his face.

"What the fuck! Get lost!" a dark haired middle school girl walked slowly away. She looked like she was going to a funeral. Weird family.

Delia came out arms raised in a theatrical display as Chuck followed suit behind her on the phone; sounded like he was closing some deal.

"Mr. Maitland so nice to meet you" She hugged.

'fake' oh well at least they're perky. "It's just Nathan, Ms. Deetz. Mr. Maitland is the old man."

"Oh, Well I heard so much about you from the neighbors" Nathan swore she winked. "Real big help and all."

"Glad they put in a good word ma'am." Nathan wiggled his eyebrows. Sometimes these husbands were so dense.

"Charles, get off the phone! This is Nathan he's our new handy man."

"Yes one second, yeah so that's right we want to put ten thousand into that account, I've got to go. Yeah company." Charles stepped off the patio.

"Handy man. Needs to clean the gutters or something."

"Call you back in ten."

"Ah yes, Mr. Maitland." Charles offered his hand.

"Ah Chuck!" fuck you, you old prick I just told the old broad not to call me that.

"It's Charl-"Nathan pulled them both into a side hug, conveniently placing his hand on Delia's ass. 'not bad' he smiled to himself. Gave it a light squeeze. Delia just pressed into his wondering hand. Time to get 'ol Chucky to get lost.

"Have you cleaned gutters before?"

"Don't worry Chuck I've been doing odd jobs before I could walk. I'm sure your lovely wife Delia here can show me around and tell me where those pesky ol' gutters are. I'll clean them out nice and good."

"Well actually Mr. Maitland I would like you to come by tomorrow so I could have a chance to go through the projects I wanted you to do. I'm in meetings all day today. Thought we'd meet today." fuck'n cock block.

"Well Charles I'm sure Nathan here has come all this way and surely we could give him a few tasks to work on today." That a girl. Delia pouted. Nathan could see those gutters really needed some attention.

"No I can't have him distracting me while I'm on my conference calls, Delia." Nathan released them both.

"Alright, Chuck when should I swing by?" What a waist of his time today was turning out to be.

"Charles,.. and how about 2pm? I've got calls before that and then I've got some paper work." Chucks phone started going off.

"Sure thing Chuck, just have some pest control before that."

"It's Charles, and sounds great. Just leave the bugs."

They are a piece of work. I should bring a few insects anyways just for shits and giggles. What was up with that girl anyways? Fucking weirdo. Parents didn't even acknowledge her presence. Maybe she's a ghost. Ha!

BJ just got to the club the other sisters were doing their make-up. BJ adjusted her tits as she slipped into her wedding gown costume. He had to play as a brunette tonight. He hated this wig. He hated this dress it was always her back up. He placed the wig on the dress form. Combed out the knots. Why was he thinking about her so much? Why did he have to torture himself.

"He ma'ma gonna look fishy tonight in that number. Impressing a man tonight?"

"Only you babes. Where's that sexy sister of yours Ivana Sandwich?" BJ know Anita and Ivana , the sandwich sisters, were fighting that night. Probably over him. Made him feel good, even though he didn't actually like dolls with balls. Drag was more of a habit, since that girl. Plus these girls gave the best head.

"That bitch?" She Kissed BJ. Lots of tongue. Mmm.

"Oh Anita another."BJ played with his head tilted in a smirk.


	3. A Little Antsy for those Panties

I do not own Beetlejuice or its caracters

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** Chapter 3 **

**A Little Antsy for those Panties**

It was Sunday morning, and Nathan was off to his first client's place. The misses was out. Good thing too, not only did he want them out while he was fumigating, but he didn't want the misses hanging all over him. She was previous winner of Ms. Argentina. She enjoyed treating him like her pool boy. At first it was fun and new, but after awhile the routine got stale. So Nathan decided to take on new clients and made himself scarce. Boy did he piss in her cheerios, by doing that.

Her English was horrible, but Christ this lady had a fucking banging body.

"Nat'on why you never come no more?" She purred. Her leg was wrapped around a bed post. Tits pressed against the shaft. Christ what was she wearing? God those tits were all natural too.

Nathan started pocketing the nest of beetles he found in the shed he was fumigating. Maybe he didn't mind if she grabbed him by the seat of his pants-. No, he had a reputation to uphold. He couldn't just let her fleshy bosoms lean over him as he picked up, no fumigated.

Fuck- Chuck better not hang around too long showing him how to do his own dam job. Nathan thought about Delia's tits and lost his boner. Good thing he was an ass guy though.

Nathan put on a mask and his fumigating suit. The beetles in his pockets sort of stayed paralyzed for a few hours when he sprayed. By just being around the chemicals, insects would just roll over and play dead till he was done. Even then he had enough time to put them up by the cemetery before they started moving again.

God Ms. Argentina sure knew how to ride him.

"I have other clients you know."

"Soo, you love this." Where did those panties come from? Must be new. He grabbed her leg and flipped it around his waist. Started grinding his bulge against the new pair, and watched her grind against him. She let out a muffled moan.

"yeahhh. These are—"She out of nowhere kicked him. Christ in the fucking balls.

'Fucking bitch.'

"you not my lover anymor'!" She said this with a pout. This bitch is crazy.

"What the Fuck Bitch?" his boner betrayed him.

Her eyes became disks of gray.

He approached her with a sickening calm. Clenched his hand over her ass, forced her on the bed, and bit his nails into her neck. She gasped. Bitch didn't expect this. He ripped them off her flesh-

Finally done, it was about an hour before his next job, the Deetz.

"Great just enough time to drop you guys off." Nathan patted his pocket.

He had just bought the Doomster. Nathan was still figuring out its kinks. Definitely was a hoopty car, but it had a sickly neon green paint job and well the kinks were just character. He named it The Doomster in tribute to his mother. Barbra hated the car, said he was doomed to kill himself in that mechanical Frankenstein. She never appreciated a good work in progress. Nathan always thought she wanted him to be a girl. Ha-

"Anita Mmmm…. You are so good at this." BJ's dress was hiked up, Anita was really going to town.

'20 minutes till show time. Should be enough time.

Nathan got to the cemetery just outside of town. Got out of Doomie and lit a cigarette.

"Alright, little buddies time to let you go." Nathan reached into his pocket and grabbed the nest. The beetles just started stirring.

"What are you doing?"

Nathan jerked his head around.

"You're the handy man that I told me to 'fuck off yesterday'."

He was caught. Wow he didn't get a good look at her yesterday. The flash and that veil really threw him off. What beautiful brown eyes she had. His gut felt strange. Was that from being kicked in the balls? No he only day dreamed about that. Wow he was fucked up.

"What are you doing with all those beetles? One's escaping from your pocket." She reached into his pocket.

'She wasn't a ghost. Why was she so pale?'

"Excuse me babes, looking for something?" For fuck sake she was what a middle schooler. Oh god. He had a boner again. 'Fuck, give me a break here.'

She looked away, but not quick enough for him not to notice her gawk and blush from embarrassment.

"Mmmmmm, juicy" Anita's husky voice vibrated over his balls. BJ instantly went soft after hearing Anita's manly vocals. It was fine though, because he just got off.

"Now go clean up, I've got to tuck." BJ hated this part especially when he got a boner, and he was just so unpredictable when it came to Lydia. Why did she haunt him so much today?


	4. Red Wedding

Listening to Aha, by Imogen Heap writing this. It's totally worth listening to, and matched the beetlejuice theme music nicely.

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**Chapter 4**

**Red Wedding**

"You know you're not suppose to reach into guys' pockets-Might find a snake." Nathan grinned. "What is your name anyways babes?" He gave her a toothy grin. Those lips parted begged to be kissed. God! What was his problem? They were in a cemetery for Christ sake. He had beetles in his pockets, which were crawling down his leg.

"Fuck!" Nathan shook his leg.

"Lydia…"

"What'cha say babes?" Nathan was occupied by the stray beetle trying to crawl into his pants.

"Lydia! Mr. Beetleman."

"The name's Nat- never mind. I need to get to the Deetz. Oh wait you're going there to! Need a ride babes, um Lyds?" Lydia giggled at the nickname. He guessed her to be 13 maybe 14. So young. He was 17 about to graduate high school in a year, and he was already King of the cougars. She hopped into the car. Doomy started up and automatically started scanning through all the stations. This was a new one.

"Deadly-voo!" His heart skipped a beat. God was she sweet. Why was he so worked up? He really needed to jerk off. It took only ten minutes to get to the Deetz. Although he was going slowly, this was rare for him. Maybe it was because he never really had company when he drove. He was a bit of a loner. Lydia was looking out the window, she smiled at him when he looked over at her.

"I think your Deadly-voo." Hold up!

"Excuse me babes?" He practically flew off the road. Doomster could use an alignment. "What does that even mean?"

"It means you're interesting you dingus." Did she just dis him? She was toying with him. He liked it. The windows rolled down.

"Excuse me, little Miss Deadly-voo, for not being fluent in your made up language." Lydia giggled.

"Does your car always do that?"

"The Doomster is a wild, mechanical, beast it does what it wants when it wants."

"Sure, bet the electrical's just junked up."

"That's not what I heard, "Nathan started down the road again. " See the previous owner committed suicide. She was an old hag named Juno."

* * *

"Well you all are looking so deadly-voo, tonight!" crowd roared

* * *

"See Juno was an unhappy old hag, had about 5 kids. "

* * *

"I sure hope this dress doesn't make my ass look big, what do you think?" crowd went wild. BJ squatted down on the stage. He hiked his dress up to show his red thong, and let a guy slap it.

* * *

"The kids all hated her, on the account of they felt she killed their father from second hand smoke. You see Juno was a notorious chain smoker."

* * *

Sequins and Glitter glinted on the stage as the Sandwich sisters came out. Heals stomping, chiffon flowing through the air.

The Goddesses stole the stage.

* * *

"In her old age Juno had a tube implanted in the base of her throat. Allowed her to breathe better on the account of she had throat cancer."

* * *

"Well you bitches are looking fabulous tonight." BJ gloated, winks were thrown, noses turned up at her as they began to twirl around the poles.

* * *

"Well Juno was miserable. Her children never saw her in the hospital. She recovered from her surgery and battled her cancer away. The post cards never came. Handouts were demanded never asked."

* * *

Anita, threw a kiss at her sister. Ivana bit it.

* * *

"She was alone"

* * *

BJ danced in attempt to outshine his dazzling sisters.

* * *

"Juno decided something must be done. She wrote a new will, leaving nothing but the car and her trachea tube. She grabbed the kitchen knife.

* * *

BJ Hiked up his dress and exposed his smooth fish-netted legs. A garter dripping blood red exposed itself. A prop knife was reveled from its ruffles.

* * *

"She left them the trachea tube"

* * *

BJ stormed over to Anita and slashed her chocker with the fake knife. Red sequins flew through the stage, spilling over the crowds as they cheered. The chocker tore into blood red strips, stained with shimmering glitter.

* * *

"They found her the next day, in thick puddles of drying blood. Her trachea tube in a neat little box stained in blood."

* * *

BJ cackled out as he approached Ivana. Dread painted her face as he pulled off her chocker. Red glitter spewed. Flooding over the stage and spilling over the roaring crowd. They were really in frenzy tonight.

* * *

"None of the children attended her funeral, but they all attended the reading of her will. They decided to throw away the trachea tube and share the car between the five children. Little did they know Juno had possessed the car in her afterlife? "

* * *

BJ chackled, "Let's make this a red wedding!" The lighting transformed the room red, except a silver disco ball. A wild cackle broke out over the crowd. A man in a striped suit popped out from the oversized disco ball above the stage. He climbed down the hanging ladder.

* * *

"One by one Juno killed her children through freaky car related accidents."

* * *

BJ took the Club owners arm and stepped down the runway in unison. He spun her around and dipped her.

* * *

"And that is how I bought the ol' Doomster at such a great price." Her eyes were disks.

* * *

BJ threw his head back and saw a young woman staring back at him. Her eyes were disks. The managers head popped off like rehearsed, but BJ froze. He was now on autopilot.


End file.
